Last Sunday, I attended a 15-minute virtual church service with author Brené Brown. I was not raised with any religion per se, having come from both Catholic and Jewish traditions, and I sometimes vacillate between faith and agnosticism. But in the first days of “shelter-in-place”—the executive order issued by Governor Gavin Newsom in California—I felt a need to reconnect with some sort of spiritual practice and Brené Brown’s church sounded as good as any. Brené began the livestream service by inviting two friends to play guitar and sing the Beatles’ “Let It Be” on another screen as she swayed and sang along. My eyes filled with tears as more than 18,000 people entered the space together. We were experiencing connection in a new, unprecedented moment of social distance.

The first week of quarantine has offered me many lessons as a parent, teacher-spouse, and educator. Now more than ever, we need to learn to be together even as we are physically apart. Now more than ever, we have to find new ways of being and engaging students. As the author of this piece on a trauma-informed approach to teaching through Coronavirus wrote, “Relationships and well-being can take priority over assignment and behavioral compliance.”

For educators and school leaders, the work doesn’t end with a shelter-in-place order: it just begins in new kaleidoscopic form as we learn how to love and show up for and gauge the wellbeing of children, families, and colleagues as we communicate through virtual platforms. We are worried about families that lack technology or are on the brink of being unhoused or are losing jobs or may not have enough food to get through this period. We are worried about students who may be isolated or in compromising situations like abusive homes. As district leaders, we are worried about keeping school buildings open to feed children while protecting staff on the front lines. And then, of course, we worry about our own health, our children’s and parents’ and friends’ health, perhaps our economic stability.

There is so much to think about. We have a choice of how to show up with our loved ones, students, and colleagues. We can grasp for control with transactional communications and attempts to “manage distance learning,” or we can grasp for connection with more fluid ways of being, communicating, and learning together. To choose the latter, we have to be still enough to hear our own heartbeats. We have to be centered enough to hold one other through the uncertainty. We have to learn to be connected and in community even while socially distant.

In times like this, I use my listening superpowers to stay present and attuned. Here are a few ideas of how to listen deeply in this challenging time.

Listen to yourself.

Now is the time to slow down and listen deeply to yourself. Create moments to pause, breathe, and reflect. I have long started my day with 10-15 minutes of meditation, but that practice feels more sacred than ever right now. I cherish waking up before the rest of my family, grabbing a hot cup of coffee, lighting a candle or two, and sitting for meditation. More often than not, I’m joined by our 18-month-old puppy Evie, pictured below. (Please ignore the random clean sock behind my coffee! This is real life, folks, not sanitized for social media.)

Sometimes, I listen to the Calm app, which offers a daily 10-minute meditation. Sometimes, I just repeat a version of metta loving-kindness meditation that offers unconditional love, care, and concern toward oneself and others with no expectation of receiving anything in return. (Repeat the stanza several times for yourself, then directed toward someone you love, next toward someone you struggle with, and finally toward your community—however you define that.)

May I be filled with loving kindness

May I be peaceful and at ease

May I be well of body and mind

May I be truly happy and free

Listen to your body.

I have found that quarantine bears a strange resemblance to pregnancy, where I am suddenly craving all sorts of new foods! First and foremost, I am fiending for bread and sugar, and in general, I prefer savory to sweet and don’t eat much bread. At first, I was judging myself for the extra dark chocolate bars and nightly desserts but then I thought, “Let it be.” We need to tend to ourselves in the best ways we can in this unimaginable time, and that might not look like a health kick right now. So I refuse to judge my sugar cravings. Instead, I’m trying to get out of the house daily for a walk or hike, as long as this is permitted.

Our 10-year-old and 14-year-old do a low-key version of homeschooling (typically in pajamas sprawled across furniture, to keep it real) until noon, eat lunch, and then I take them out for “PE” class. Last week, we did three local hikes with the puppy, but my favorite day was when Maximo, our 10-year-old, designed a PE lesson for the family:

  • Hold a 30-second forearm plank
  • Hold a 1-minute regular plank
  • Hold a 90-second regular plank (ouch!)
  • Go outside and run around the block 3 times
  • Ride your bike around the block 1 time (not sure why only once)
  • Go out back and do archery for 10 minutes (shooting plastic arrows into a cardboard box)

It was hilarious, so much fun, and put our kid in the driver’s seat, with no technology required.

Listen to your space.

Chalk it up to the looming invisible enemy, Miss Corona, or the extra home time on our hands, but we have been in spring cleaning and purging mode. We have gotten rid of bags and bags of toys, clothes, and kitchen gear that we hadn’t touched for years. It felt GREAT. My daughter even found my wedding ring (which I had lost years ago) in the recesses of her bathroom drawer! This may seem insignificant, but listening to and simplifying your domestic spaces might be just what the doctor ordered. Pick a room in which you don’t feel energetically settled when you enter. Sit in the middle of it, and look around, taking a few slow, deep breaths. Ask yourself, “What do I want this space to look and feel like? What could I clear out to bring in new energy and creativity?”

Listen to your family and friends.

We are all figuring out how to stay connected across geographies and social distance. I would encourage you to get creative and spontaneous in bringing people together. A group of about 10 friends started a text chain early last week, and someone suggested a virtual happy hour. In trying to test out FaceTime, I accidentally initiated happy hour and six of us had a great chat with beer, cocktail, or mocktail in hand. We talked about how wild this all was, how we were coping, what we were hearing, and how to get through the weeks to come. It felt great to listen, connect, and be heard.

An offering…

My colleague Jamila, who many of you know from Brave Spaces, and I have been talking about how to be of service to our broader network of leaders in the U.S. and beyond. We’ve had hundreds of people go through the Brave Spaces Institute, many of whom we stay connected to formally or informally. We really want to show up for you all, our equity leadership community. We know this moment is demanding huge reserves of strength and courage from each of you, and we want to provide you with a small offering of support. If you would like to schedule a free 30-minute coaching call with either of us in the next few weeks—to vent, emote, or problem-solve an emerging equity dilemma—we will do our best to schedule those. Please email Shane directly, to request a coaching call.

Sending you all thoughts of safety, good health, and love,

Shane

 

 

Photo of cairn of stones by Sean Stratton on Unsplash